the dress

Forgive me for what you're about to read, as it is maddeningly vague.  Trust me that it's as specific as I feel I can be, given a variety of different situations in my life.  (The metaphor of the dress applies to two or three somewhat separate things that I'm going through right now.)  I want to share a breakthrough that I've had recently - a sense of peace that is so pervasive that I wish I could bottle it and keep it in the medicine cabinet to take a dose when life gets stressful.

You see, I had this dress.  The dress was perfect.  The fabric was silky and soft against my skin.  It was elegant and perfect for every occasion.  In fact, I longed for more occasions when I could wear the dress and show off how lovely it made me look.  I always got so many compliments every time I wore it.  The color and the cut and the pattern made it like the Platonic ideal of a dress to me.

Every time I wore it, I stood in front of the mirror admiring myself.  But then, when I went out in it, I would start to get uncomfortable.  It was like the dress only fit right if I was standing up straight.  When I sat down, it pinched.  If I gained five pounds, it was all wrong.  When I tried to lift my arms up high over my head, I feared that I would tear the underarm seams.  I had to wear certain shoes so that my legs looked right in the dress.  Suddenly, I couldn't wait until I could get home and take it off.

But I remained committed to the dress.  Maybe if I could just change myself a little, or even alter the dress, it could fit right.  I could nip here and tuck there and suck in.  I could wear different undergarments.  Nothing radical, just some little changes.

But it just never fit.  And the dress not fitting caused me to doubt myself.

So, I gave it away.

No more dress.  And that is the peace that I'm talking about.  Was it sad?  Yes.  Do I miss the dress?  Yes.  Do I worry that I may never find another dress like it again?  Of course.  A girl needs a dress like that!  But no matter what I tried, it wasn't the right one for me.  It's probably going to look just perfect on someone else.