hallway season

So now that my formal leave request is submitted and we have announced to the congregation and etc etc, I can answer the big question:  what on earth am I going to be doing after June 30?

Some of you are familiar with our itinerant appointment system in the United Methodist Church.  Some of you are not.  Let me explain briefly:  I am an ordained elder in full connection with the Tennessee Conference of the United Methodist Church.  Essentially, this means I belong to one of the strongest unions still in existence.  It's a closed shop.  I am tenured.  Unless I do something ridiculously unethical (or choose to surrender my credentials), I will retain that tenure for the rest of my life.

The covenant that I have made, in exchange for this lifetime guaranteed appointment/job/minimum salary, is that I will itinerate.  This means that the bishop and cabinet will assign me to a church somewhere within the geographical confines of middle Tennessee.  I get some input into this decision, but at the end of the day:  I am assigned.  There are a hundred reasons why John Wesley thought this was such a good idea in the late 1700s, but that's not really what I'm gonna talk about today.

There are some accommodations that can be made in the case of those who need to take leave, while retaining full connection in the conference.  You can be placed on leave (involuntary), or take voluntary leave for transitions or the care of family.  I have submitted a request for one year of voluntary family leave, to begin July 1 of this year.  After seven years under full-time appointment, I will not be taking an appointment for 2017-2018.

So, what will I do with this year?  

1)  work with an area church and Vicki's elementary school to complete my Doctor of Ministry project, which focuses on increased engagement and investment in neighborhood schools to stem the tide of charterization in middle Tennessee.

2)  spend pretty much all of July on an epic family road trip, touring the West.

3)  complete a 200-hour yoga teacher training at Kali Yuga Yoga from August through November.

4)  take my daughter on her first trip to New York!  To see my best friend and her baby and her husband and Brooklyn and see the Thanksgiving Day Parade.  This is such a rite of passage for us, introducing her to The City.

5)  spend a lot more time with my son and daughter, cat, dog, and chickens.

6)  take a German class at Vanderbilt (modern languages . . . ugh).

7)  apply for about 15 more Ph.D. programs in Religious Studies/Theology.  Including reapplying to Stanford.

8)  take my kids to DC in May of 2018 for my graduation at the National Cathedral.

Big questions I've been asked:

1)  How can I do this, financially?

I am by no means independently wealthy (have you seen my house/car/life?!), but I have enough saved from inheritance and cheap living that I can afford to do one year this way.  We won't be able to live extravagantly, but I can take a year to breathe.

2)  Will I return to church ministry?

I have no idea, honestly.  I am trying to be as open as I possibly can.  I have spent a lot of my life rushing through whichever door opened easily and quickly, because I couldn't stand the ambiguity and discomfort of standing in the hallway.  But this is my hallway season.  This is the time to stand and observe the doors and see which one cracks open and which one shuts and which one can be the door that is wisest and most accommodating for all three of us.  Perhaps I am accepted to the perfect Ph.D. program, and that is the door that opens.  Perhaps I am not, and I realize that God is pulling me back to the church.  Perhaps God pulls me in some other direction entirely.  I have to take the time to see.  There is no substitute for time, not even hard work and determination and grit.  Not even pushing as hard as I can.  I have not done a good job in my life of respecting the role that simple, observant, engaged time plays in any given situation, and now I need to do that.

3)  Will I miss City Road?

Um . . . yes!  This place has been my home in ministry for the last five years, and they have seen me through some of the most horrific and celebratory times in my life.  They have seen my son born, my marriage disintegrate, my heart be broken about seven times.  They have seen me grow as a leader and a person.  They have accepted my vulnerabilities and flaws.  This church is far from perfect, but the people here are as good as any people I have met in my life.  They have cared for me in a way that is truly Christ-like:  challenging and nurturing and trusting.

This is an exciting season for me.  I am somewhat terrified, but I feel ready.  Open and ready and accepting.

vicki jo: 4 years!!!

Oh, my sweet girl.  Can it be four years ago that we went to the hospital in a terrified frenzy after falling down the stairs?  Can it be four years since I held you the first time and could only say "My baby! My baby!" over and over again?

In honor of four years, I have posted four videos, one from each of the years of her life.  I hope all these links work.  :)

Posted by Emily Reeves Grammer on Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Getting closer!
Posted by Emily Reeves Grammer on Sunday, August 5, 2012

Me McGregor & Peter Rabbit
Posted by Zan Starnes Martin on Saturday, March 8, 2014

So how cute are these two little ones? A little play time after fish fry fundraiser for our church youth
Posted by Zan Starnes Martin on Sunday, March 22, 2015

todd: 22 months

Not much to say about my sweet boy this month.  He talks and talks.  He loves to sit on the couch surrounded by a stack of books and "read."  I think he might be ready to lose the diaper, and I'm dreading that . . . Here are some pictures!

He loved the ice storm until he went sledding down our street and got an ice burn on his hand.  Then it was over.

Isn't this precious!?  He loves his "candals," as he calls them.

He was my +1 at a clergy spiritual retreat - we went down for the evening and introduced him to everyone.

Bookworm life!  This makes me so indescribably happy.  My kids won't travel anywhere without at least two books apiece.

vicki jo: 3 years and 11 months

Oh man.  Is there some kind of terrible developmental phase right now?  My child is pretty much insane.  But I'll just leave this series of pictures here because she is still pretty cute.  (Thanks, God/Nature, for making children so adorable - so our hearts are softened when they try us so sorely!)

Here we are on a really great field trip with the Encore Class to Radnor Lake.  They were studying "animal architecture," and that's a beaver lodge you see in the background!  Vicki threw an enormous fit and didn't want to walk up the hill.  It was really fun for everyone.

Lol at Todd in this picture.  This was at an event at Kings Daughters just before Valentine's Day.  They made some special valentines for family.  

This might just be like the most heartwarming thing ever.  The kids have started to occasionally enjoy going into their room together, shutting the door, and reading on the bed.  I peeked in and snapped the picture right before Todd told me to shut the door and leave them alone.

Eating icicles during Nashville Icepocalypse 2015.  The Donald hat is also a favorite.

I call this one "Selfie with exhausted mother in the background."

Can't believe it's just one month until she's four!  I better get started planning that party . . . 

todd: 21 months

So many updates on Todd!  I skipped last month because I was deep into a very intense two-week Doctor of Ministry course.  So double the fun today.  :)

His language is getting so good.  Short sentences are happening now, and I really feel like we are communicating.  It's weird for me to think that Vicki was 25 months when Todd was born, and she and I could speak really clearly to one another at that time.  It felt like Todd wasn't getting there as quickly, but now it seems that in four months we will be in the same place as I was with Vicki.  Never have had to worry about language with either of my kids in the least.  We are talkers, and they got it from both sides.

The biggest news in Todd's world in the last two months is his first haircut!  Aside from one time that Vicki got a little chunk with her scissors when I wasn't looking, Todd had never had his hair cut.  We went to see my sister over the New Year, and she said it was time.  So we popped him in the bathtub and got out the clippers . . . and he did great!  I thought he would be freaked out, but he was cool.

And doesn't he just look like a big boy now!?

This was from our first (and only) good snowstorm in Nashville this year.  Todd was loving eating the snow.  I think he got some dirt, too . . . 

At a Superbowl Party, sharing a hug with his sweet friend Avery.  Already a ladies' man.

They handed out these hilarious foam crowns at both his and Vicki's schools for some reason . . . he loves wearing it.  

Enjoying the playground at our neighborhood school on a glorious warm and sunny day.  He made friends with this sweet little girl, too.

His firetruck was his favorite Christmas gift, by far.  He rides it around and around Memaw's house.  I tried to get a picture of him with his driving goggles, but no luck.

This is a great age.  He's still very much my baby, but he is quite independent, talkative, and engaged with his surroundings.  Can't wait to see what next month brings!

vicki jo: 3 years and 10 months

Not too many updates on my sweetest girl this month.  She is rocking and rolling.  She is wheeling and dealing.  Her newest thing is fast-forwarding through certain segments of her beloved "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" (the "Mouseketools," for those of you who are in the know), because she says they are "disgusting."  That cracked me up.  Maybe you had to be there.  

Showing Bubba how to get Mickey on the iPad while snuggled up on the couch.

They have been obsessed and begging to go in the carts with cars at Kroger.  Mostly so they can swipe candy from the low shelves when I'm not looking.

This is about as much snow as we ever get in Nashville!  But we enjoyed the crap out of it and even made some snowballs.

She had her second hostess day at Encore.  Grandma went with her this time since I was all tied up with my D.Min. program.  She loved it.  We also made frozen bananas dipped in chocolate for the snack!

vicki jo: 3 years and 9 months

Oh where, oh where has my baby girl gone!? 

It seems as if she is just getting older by the second.  She is such a bright, spirited, articulate little child.  My time with her is always challenging and always rewarding.  Here is what she has been into the last month.

She loves coming to church and "preaching" from the Bible that sits outside the Sanctuary.  This is completely unprompted by me and I think it is the most thrilling thing ever.

Enjoying an unseasonably sunny day at her favorite neighborhood ice cream shop.

She loves stopping at this tree in a neighbor's yard, where they have planted a "help yourself" herb garden.  She always samples the parsley and rosemary.

Depositing some of her Christmas money in her bank account.  She is up to $34!

She and Rocky the cat enjoy sleeping on top of one another.

Hanging with her bubba and watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the iPad.  (Sidenote:  It is positively creepy how intuitive Apple products are for children.  I swear this child came out of my womb knowing how to use an iPhone.  She just picked up the iPad, swiped it, asked me for my security code, and was off the races.  Scary.)

todd: 19 months

Well, he's officially not "baby Todd" anymore.  I was worried the poor guy was going to be called baby Todd until he went to college.  Now, thanks to Vicki Jo's deep, deep obsession with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, he is called "Toodles."  If you don't know what I'm talking about, please just count yourself lucky.  Here's what Todd's been up to this last month:

He's really into spinning around and around until he falls down like a drunkard.  Here he is showcasing his skills at the ice cream shop.

The poor, poor dog.  Sweet pup is the longest-suffering member of our family, by far.

His favorite lounging position for a stroll.  He and Vicki both also insist on taking along a drink for every walk and car ride.  So funny because their dad has always done the same thing.

He did really well on our long car trip to my sister's, then to Chicago area for a wedding, then back home.  This is in a rest stop in Indiana somewhere.

At my sister's he experienced real snow for the first time!  This is one of my complaints about Nashville - no winter.  Playing in the snow was a quintessential element of my Kansas childhood, so I'm glad they could do it, if just for one day.

Giving his Christmas jammies a spin, in preparation for Christmas Eve.  :)

He is also talking like crazy.  I was fully prepared for him to take longer to talk a lot, as Vicki is unusually loquacious and boys typically take longer.  But nope - he's jabbering up a storm.  "Read book," "no puppy," "big car," and other phrases are his recent additions.

vicki jo: 3 years and 8 months

Today, Vicki adds another month to her life.  Baby girl is not such a baby anymore.  As we think through our school decisions for the year(s) to come, I'm reminded that she is growing every day.  Here's what the last month held:

Getting a ridiculously bad bang trim.  Uhhh . . . sorry kid, hairstyling ain't Mom's forte!

Going on a field trip to TPAC with her Encore class to see a play, then having lunch downtown with me.  I'm so happy that she loves urban centers as much as I do . . . (hey Vicki, remember you're a legacy to Columbia!)

Dancing her face off at Julianne and Parth's wedding, until someone stepped on her foot and it was all over.  She also got to see her old friend Remy, which was amazing.  They remembered each other like it was yesterday.

Getting too grown to ride in the stroller anymore.  Until she gets tired.  

Verrrry occasionally taking a nap at the same time as her brother.  Like blue-moon frequency.

Getting some super-sweet new kicks from her cousin Sloane.

Also spending Thanksgiving with her Aunt Nelle, Uncle Matt, and cousins Sloane and Elliott.  I always wish my sister and I lived closer together so our kids could hang out all the time.  

Being my super-helper with Bubba on our 8-hour drive home from the wedding.  (Thank God for good weather and rest areas with playgrounds!)

Enjoying the climbing wall at Izzy and Jamie's house, down the road from Memaw's.

Isn't she lovely!?

todd: 18 months

On November 16, Todd will be 1 1/2 years old!  Where has the time gone?  He is such a delightful child.  Always smiling, always bringing joy wherever he goes.  Here is what he has been doing:

Absolutely loving the new playhouse his Memaw got for him and sis.

Always wanting to ride the "ho-see" as we leave Vicki at her Encore program.

Still rear-facing!  And being a super-cute blondie.

Being lobster man for Halloween. 

Enjoying a visit from Mom at the Stone Soup luncheon at his daycare.

Helping me get ready for a King's Daughters banquet.

Being obsessed with going jogging, and the stroller in general.

Making a pallet to post up with sis on the floor and watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

18 months is such a great age.  I'm enjoying every minute of it, as he grows, adds words and phrases by the day, and learns more independence.

vicki jo: 3 years + 7 months

On November 2, Vicki Jo adds 7 months to her 3 years.  Here is what she is up to:

Finishing up her soccer season.  It couldn't end soon enough for her.

Being exceptionally sassy.  (Including getting in trouble for disobedience in both her schools.  Ugh.  I had similar issues and I'm afraid history is repeating itself.)

Demanding pancakes for breakfast every morning.  She and Todd also demand to eat all the batter help.

Really enjoying her Encore program.  Except when she won't listen to her teacher (see above).

Playing a game called "I have a secret," in which her secret is always "I love you."  (Heartmelt!)

Sitting all the way through church with grandma (or occasionally up front with me) until Children's Sermon and Children's Church!

Having her second-ever dental cleaning - no cavities!  Although the dentist was "concerned about how close her teeth are together."  Boo for future orthodontics.

Wanting to be "a bad witch who eats people" for Halloween.  I was somewhat disturbed by this, obviously, and told her that witches don't eat people.  She told me the witch in Hansel and Gretel tried to eat them.  I hate when she's right all the time!

Running outside to get in a few quick swings as I get Todd into his car seat.

Sleeping all piled up with her brother.  Thinking of moving them into their own bed soon, or maybe bunks?

Being my sweet girl.