my children aren't "exclusive"

Parenting these days isn't for the faint of heart.  At least for those who have the internet at their disposal from the first moment they see two lines on the stick, through the late nights up with the newborn, to the late nights up with the toddler, to the late nights up waiting on the teenager . . . wait, do I sense a theme?  :)

The kids on a pallet watching TV - oh wait, that was something else they weren't supposed to do, right?

Seriously, though - it is just way too easy to ask Google:  "Am I a bad parent?"  "How do I get the baby to sleep?"  "I yelled at my toddler is she ruined forever?"

Parents who didn't have the advantage of Google and 3780340 parenting books seemed to have a lot more peace of mind.  Perhaps they didn't know they were making such monstrous mistakes as not feeding their kids all organic home-pureed baby food.

Kids these days have to be "exclusively" everything, if they want a chance at success.  It starts with birth.  Exclusive medication-free, of course.  Wait, I failed that one.  I had a half-dose of some dope that gave me amazing hallucinations during Vicki's birth.  Then, with Todd, well - no chance for any medication although I would have traded my left brain for some at one point.  Nope, my kids weren't exclusively free of medications at birth.

After birth comes vaccinations.  We have neither followed a standard vaccination schedule, nor refused to vaccinate.  Wait - you mean there's another option than being exclusively pro or anti vaccine!?

Let's not forget cloth diapers.  Well, except for all those times I've used disposable diapers.  Then we can forget them.  But hey, every time I use a cloth diaper, it's one less disposable in the landfill, right?

Next - exclusively breast-fed, naturally.  Except that didn't quite work out for me either.  I nursed them both as much as I could (and still nurse Todd), and recognized that they wouldn't die from being fed formula the rest of the time.  No exclusivity for my combo-fed babies.

Then the sleep training debacle.  Of course, you're either spoiling your kids and defiling your marriage by letting your kids sleep in your bed, or you're abusing your kids by letting them cry in their cribs at night while you pee by yourself for once in your life.  No middle ground here either.  Exclusively attachment parenting or cry-it-out.  Well, I failed on that one too.  My babies sleep with me all the time, except for when Vicki started sleeping by herself when she was six months and she cried a bunch.  Then she slept through the night.  Looks like I failed to be consistent on this point, as well.

When your kids start eating real food, you are bombarded by more alarmist messages:  If you feed them before six months they will be obese!  If you feed them non-organic food they will get autism!  The doctor is telling you to give them gruel with no nutritive value that looks awful.  Once again - I was never able to achieve anything exclusive.  I was the weirdo who pureed coconut oil and chicken stock and homemade yogurt into squash and took it to my kids' daycare.  But I also let them eat my fries soaked in GMO canola oil.  Nope - life is too short to ever leave a French fry behind.

And now that we are through all those hurdles, the lack of exclusivity continues.  Sometimes I yell at my kids.  Mostly I try to hug them.  Very occasionally they get spanked.  I guess this disqualified me from the ranks of the attachment parenting people.  But I also don't discipline them with rods and crazy Biblical teachings, either, so I guess I can't be a part of the Train Up a Child community.

There will be more crossroads in the future.  Someday my kids will choose gender identities and sexual orientations.  I have no idea if they will be exclusively gay or straight.  And that's totally cool with me.  Someday, perhaps, they will choose partners - and I'm sure I will neither love nor hate those people, but have extremely nuanced feelings about them.

See, life isn't about exclusivity.  I hope the one message they are seeing from me, through all of this, is that life is messy and complicated.  People who have doctrinaire stances on these issues are setting themselves and their kids up for hard re-actions.  There isn't much I can be sure of.

But there is one thing.  My children are exclusively loved and protected by God.  They are exclusively inhabited by the Holy Spirit, and held by a community of faith.  God's love for them is perfect and God needs no Google or manual to show how to love children.  So I'm leaving it up to him.  Because obviously I can't get it right!  And I've really quit trying to be so perfect.

cloth diaper update!

I knew that I wanted to cloth diaper Todd as much as possible before he goes to daycare.  The center here at church (where he will go once a spot opens up) won't use cloth diapers unless you can get a doctor to write a note that they are necessary for rash or allergy.  I didn't feel like going through the hoops on that one!

Last time I talked to you about my thoughts, I was considering Green Mountain Diapers' workhorse diaper, which is a sort of hybrid prefold-fitted.  I didn't end up getting any of those.

We got a ton of disposable diapers as shower gifts, so I used those for the first couple of weeks.  Meconium, which is baby's first poop, is dark and very sticky.  It would have been tough to get off of a cloth diaper.  Then, we visited my sister for five days right after Todd's birth, so I didn't want to trouble her with washing them.  Todd did develop a nasty little diaper rash during that visit, though, so I decided it was time to bust out the cloth when we got home.  He was twelve days old then.

Baby Todd at five days, wearing his blue XS Fuzzibunz before going to his first doctor's visit!

I had registered for some Fuzzibunz XS diapers on Amazon, and ended up getting three of those from my amazing friend/birth partner Steph.  Those have been my favorite, for sure.  I also got an additional Thirsties Duo wrap from her, which brings my count on those up to three.  After I saw how much I liked the Fuzzibunz, I used an Amazon gift card to order six more, as well as some Charlie's soap laundry detergent for washing them.  

Love this stuff!  We have ended up using it for all our laundry.

Todd was pretty big - 8 lb 12 oz - so I didn't have any trouble at all getting the XS to fit him.  I had expected him to be smaller, so that was a nice surprise, diaper-wise.  In fact, now that he is almost 11 pounds, they are getting a bit small in the rise!  They are advertised as fitting to 12 pounds, which I think will be about right for us.  I have a ton of size S Fuzzibunz that we can graduate into.  

They have a nice slim fit, which I like, and aren't too bulky under clothes.  They are easy to use, and come in cute colors!

                          

 

                        

 

There are two main downsides to these diapers.  The cost, which is pretty high.  $14 on Amazon, plus shipping.  The second is that stuffing the insert into the slim crotch of the diaper is hard, at least for my big hands!  I have to really tug to get it in there.  This isn't a problem with the larger sizes of Fuzzibunz, but the XS is just tiny enough for me to have trouble.  

So, I have nine of those.

I also have the three Thirsties Duo wraps I was telling you about before.  These are definitely the most economical option to build a cloth diaper collection.  They are also easy to use.  Here's how I do those, with a regular old cotton prefold:

                              

                               

                                                     

You can see that these are much more bulky than the Fuzzibunz.  The Thirsties wraps have a snap-up rise that is nice, but the prefold is so big that I have to keep it all the way out.  If you had a fitted under there, you could get a much more slim fit.  Like I said, though, you can't beat the cost of doing it this way.  These are also about $14, but you only need like two or three.  

Between the 9 Fuzzibunz XS and the 3 Thirsties wraps and lots of prefolds, I'm doing laundry about every 2-3 days.  We don't use many disposables - mainly just in the church nursery or if someone is watching Todd.  I still haven't had to buy any disposable diapers!  

I love cloth diapering, and especially now that Vicki Jo is done with her toilet learning (except for overnight!  Expect a joyous post on this soon!), I have enough cloth diapers to last us until Todd goes through his toilet learning.  Then, I can resell them on craigslist and even cash out a little bit on them!  

As far as care, the Charlie's soap makes it really easy because it leaves no residue.  So, I rinse once with warm water to get all the poop out (he is still breastfed, so the poop is all water-soluble), then wash once on hot with a scoop of the soap and a warm rinse.  Then into the dryer on low!  Simple.

23 weeks and diapers

Blah, blah, 23 weeks, blah.  Nothing to say.  Still feel good.  Still puff up with salt.  Still pretty agile on the old feet.  Still not much feeling of movement because I have a placenta pillow in front.

Let's just get to the good part.  The part that any cloth-diapering mother loves.  The newborn stash.

Now, I am not as into this as some mamas.  Some ladies make a real habit of curating the perfect beginning supply for that precious bundle.  I'm a bit more utilitarian.  And that presents the problem.

There are a lot of "ifs" when it comes to cloth diapering a newborn.  Will my baby be huge or tiny?  Will he have slender legs or thick thighs?  Will he wet a lot at once or more moderately throughout the day?  Will he have sensitive skin?  It's enough to almost just make me put it off and make a purchase after the baby is born.  But then I know it will never happen.

There's also the added layer of Vicki and her diapers.  She is in one-size Fuzzibunz pocket diapers with snap closures  (we also have a few Kawaiis that we got as a gift, and they are nice too - especially for overnight with a doubler).  This means they are adjustable, and they still fit her quite well.  I really like these diapers, and once I figured out how to properly wash them, we have had no issues with them at all.  I'd like to reuse them with another baby.  But that means Vicki needs to be done with them first.  (Cue dramatic sigh related to toilet learning.)  It also means that the new baby needs to have a similar body shape (slim thigh, round middle) - and who knows if that will happen!?

The Fuzzibunz did not fit her as a newborn, and I don't think they would fit any but the very largest newborns (like 10 lb or more).  With Vicki almost at 7 lb 1 oz at almost 40 weeks gestation, I don't suspect her brother will be that much larger.  

I got a couple size small Thirsties covers from a friend who didn't want them.  They are pink and orange, but who cares?  Not me, or my son, hopefully!  

So, I have a couple of choices.  I want to use the Thirsties Duo covers that I already have, and I think I only need a couple more because you can get by with not so many of those.  They just need a wipe between changes, and a wash every 10 or 12 changes, unless there's a horrid blowout or something.  

The big decision is what to stuff the covers with.  Prefolds?  We already have a ton of those, and that would be no problem.  But they would be a bit bulky for a tiny one.  I've been eyeing these Green Mountain Diapers (GMD) fitteds.  They are kind of the best of both worlds:  a prefold that they cut and sewed into a fitted.  

They have options with snaps and without.  I will probably go without snaps, since they will be in a cover usually.  I might have to get some Snappis, which I find to be the most obnoxiously named product of all time.  Just in case we want to go cover-less at home, you know.  These fitted diapers are not expensive at all.  The newborn size are $5.50 each.  So let's say I bought twelve, or even twenty of those.  It would only be $110, plus $24.50 for two more covers, and that's it!  $135.50 to diaper my newborn.  Can't beat it.

A note on velcro vs. snaps - I hate velcro.  It never washes right, it gets crud all stuck in it, it irritated Vicki's stomach where it would come unstuck.  So, I go with snaps.  People tend to have strong opinions on this, so form your own!

But before I get too far down the Green Mountain Diapers yellow brick road, I stop to think about the time-honored Kissaluv.  These are by far the most popular newborn fitted diaper.  

They are also more pricey.  $12.95 apiece, with a little bit off if you order in bulk.  

If you know me, you know my legendary cheapness, so you can guess which way I'm leaning.  I might do six Kissaluvs and six GMDs and see which is better after a few days, then make a full order.  A bit more stress with a newborn, but it would be worth it not to be stuck with a bunch of fitted diapers that don't work for us.  

Cloth mamas out there:  what worked for you?  How did you decide on your newborn stash?  What did you spend?

homemade diaper wipes

[Note:  this post featured on SortaCrunchy]

When we switched over to cloth diapers at home, I'd been investigating different avenues for homemade baby wipes as well.  I mean, the point stands to reason that you're doing small loads of laundry very frequently, so you might as well put the wipes in there too.  I found a recipe or two for homemade disposable wipes, including the ingenious cut-a-roll-of-Bounty-in-half method.  But that didn't solve the disposable dilemma. 

Then I saw some reusable wipes from Thirsties that were like 11 bucks for six.  I thought I could do better on the price by going a renegade route.

So I went to Target and bought a pack of plain white washcloths and cut each one in half when I got home.

I also bought a plastic spray bottle in the wall of sample toiletries.  I love that aisle because I hate committing to a new product without trying a little first.  (I love the fact that Aveda does this as well!)

And I got a little sample size of aloe vera gel.

I already had some lavender and tea tree oil mixed together at home (my friend Stephanie gave it to me because it kills the itch from bug bites).

I put a cup of hot filtered water, two tablespoons of aloe vera and a drop of the essential oil into a bowl and whisked it up well.  Then I poured it into the spray bottle.

I just keep the wipes dry and spray the baby's skin with the spray bottle and wipe it off with the rag.  It's so weird that she doesn't seem to mind having a cold spray on her nether-regions, and yet the bath is a major catastrophe.  (Also weird:  she likes cold bottles of milk.)

I've been using this about two weeks, and I'm only halfway through the contents of the spray bottle.  The sixteen wipes have been far more than I've needed between loads of laundry.  I'm pleased with the results.  Vicki's skin is soft, clean and smells good.  I should add that she hasn't ever had sensitive or irritated skin, so I didn't really have to worry about textures or ingredients that may sting. 

Hope you enjoy!  Yet another area of money- and earth-saving baby hygiene that was simpler than I was building it up to be in my mind.

a successful transition!

[This post submitted to Sortacrunchy's "Your Green Resource"]

When we first started doing all our registering and buying for our little-one-to-be, I knew that I wanted to use cloth diapers.  Jeff took a little convincing, but once I told him he wouldn't really have to touch any poop (I knew this was a white lie, but I reasoned that he would have to touch poop whether we used cloth or disposable), he was for it.  I love when Jeff gets convicted about something, because he loves to spread the righteous word to all his friends and acquaintances.  I have heard him on the phone telling his friend Jeremy about how they're cheaper, more environmentally friendly, and better for baby's skin.  I believe this is what I mean by "making him think it was his idea."  Anyway, I digress.

I won't rehearse all the in-depth reasons for cloth diapering, since mine are largely the same as everyone else's.  Basically:

1)  Cheaper over time.  A little investment, but you can reuse them with multiple children.
2)  Better for the environment.  Less in the landfill.
3)  Baby has soft and cuddly material next to her skin, not weird gel-bead-ultra-absorbent stuff.
4)  Water bill is included in the cost of our rent.  Disposable diapers aren't.

And a fifth I've added since my obsession with Montessori infant parenting began:
5)  Montessori infant training advocates cloth diapering because natural, real fibers are superior to synthetics.  I'm not sure that this holds for me, since the micro-fleece and PUL (polyurethane laminate) diapers we use are just as synethic as any disposable.  The only difference is you can wash and reuse them.

When I actually starting researching cloth diaper options, I had a minor anxiety attack because I don't do well with a lot of choices.  There are literally hundreds of options.  Prefolds and covers?  All-in-ones?  Contoured prefolds?  What the hell is a snappi?  I asked a few moms I knew were into cloth diapering, and got the recommendation to go with Fuzzibunz.  So, mostly for the sake of just making a freaking decision, I registered for them.  And Jeremy and Kat (the afore-mentioned friends) got them for us!  Here is what we ended up with:

Here's what they look like from the inside and the outside:

What you see above is the outer shell, made from a waterproof material and lined with fleece.  They have a pocket between the fleece and the PUL outer fabric:

And the "soaker," or the thick pad that absorbs all the moisture and keeps it away from the baby's skin, looks like this:

It's made of suber-absorbent fleece as well, and it gets stuffed into the pocket I showed you above. 

I ordered all "one-size" diapers, which are kind of ingenious.  They have an elastic-and-button system where you can adjust the size of the leg holes and waist as your baby grows.  I did a couple pictures of how this works:

This part is kind of a pain in the butt, as you have to go back and pull the elastic out of its hidey-hole, wrestle with it for a few moments, and then repeat with all your remaining diapers.  But this is also the part that makes it so cost-effective, as they can grow with your baby up to like 35 pounds (or potty-trained, God willing!).

So, back to our story.  I ordered these diapers, received them as a gift, got really excited, and then the baby was born.  She was so wee, I couldn't make the leg holes small enough!  So we had to go with disposables for awhile.  And then she got bigger . . . and we still went with disposables because I felt overwhelmed by having a baby and didn't want any more laundry.  Finally, I was shaken out of my disposable stupor by reading Montessori from the Start, and busted back out the Fuzzibunz.  Baby is about thirteen pounds now, so she fits into them really well.

Our babysitter isn't into cloth, which is totally fine.  So we still use some disposables.  I just get the Target generic brand.  I think they work as well as anything else.  Also, I didn't get any fancy special detergent for the cloth diapers.  All the cloth diapering websites say this is tantamount to ruining your diapers, but so far the Target brand unscented detergent has done just fine.  I think part of my initial panic about the whole cloth diapering process was because there seemed to be all these rules:  you have to use a dry/wet pail; you have to use Charlie's soap; etc, etc, etc.  In reality, like with everything else about having a baby, you figure out what works for you and that's what you do.

We have eight Fuzzibunz now, and that's about right for laundry every other day with disposables at the sitter and at night.  I might get six or so more, just to stretch it a little further.  However, I don't want to let the dirty diapers sit too long, or I worry about mildew setting in!

So, my message to you about cloth diapering is:  don't be afraid.  It is simpler than it sounds.  Just pick a system, go with it, and don't be afraid that you're making too many missteps.  I really like Fuzzibunz, and no, don't be ridiculous, they have not paid me for an endorsement!